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Writer's Block: Cliff hanger

What's the most dangerous thing you've ever done? Are you glad you did it? Would you do it again?

The most dangerous thing I've ever done was probably dive up to nearly 150 feet when I was only licensed for 60. I went while my dad was somewhere far off :-j
I'd do it again because it's not really all that dangerous if you're careful. And, I swear. Nothing beats the beautiful blue of deep down under the sea.

I'll down a shot of pesticide...

... if it'll make these butterflies go away.

Ugh. They aren't even the good butterflies you get from seeing your crush or whatever.
Thinking about school makes my stomach turn, and churn and feel like it's going to flip inside out, spilling whatever the hell is left inside of me.

I don't know why I'm so anxious. No, I'm not just anxious. I'm more than that.
I'm afraid.
And I don't know why.

Writer's Block: Solo traveler

Do you find it very hard to open up to people? Why or why not? What are the benefits and disadvantages of being emotionally guarded?

That was, and still kinda is, one of my favorite quotes of all time.
In general, I guess I do find it rather hard to open up to people. As some of you may know, I'm a little shy-- I don't usually talk about me and my concerns with people I'm not that close to. I'd rather be the one who listens; the one being confided to, the one who gives advice. Of course, I use some of my own personal experiences to emphasize points sometimes, but mostly just in passing. The only people I really pour my heart out to are friends I've known for a long time, and have actually grown to trust.

This has been my default setting for a couple of years already, actually. Sure, I talk about myself from time to time buuut I don't talk more than necessary. Mainly due to trust issues, I guess. One thing I've learned the hard way is that you can't always trust someone who looks you in the eye and says "Trust me.". Nah-ah, sometimes even that look is a liiiie :-j

Sometimes, the trust isn't even about keeping the information between the two of you. It's also trusting the other person to still accept you as a person, even after knowing about things you wouldn't normally let other people know. That's even harder.

One of the benefits of being emotionally guarded is exactly what the picture and the quote wants to say. You'd see who actually cares about you. You'd see who'd actually bother to try and get to know you, because you don't willingly throw up bits and pieces of your existence all over the sidewalk. Someone who doesn't really care would stop at just until you draw your boundaries and be contented just talking to you over that wall, thinking that's all you're really about. But someone who you mean a lot to would take the time and effort to dig deeper and break down that wall to find out what's in your heart; who you really are.

Another benefit is that the friendships you keep would be a lot more meaningful. If you told everyone anything you could tell your best friend-- what sets your best friend apart from the rest of the population then? Plus, being too open would obviously just feed those gossip mongers. And, with all types of gossip, the info usually gets twisted.

Being too guarded obviously also has its disadvantages though. It usually leads up to people saying, or blogging about, or feeling that overused, emo, angsty line:

"No one understands me!"

Well, duh if you don't show who you are, or try to get your point across once in a while, of course no one will!

Anyways, I think openness to other people should be balanced-- enough so that people would at least know who you are, but not so much that people could use the information against you. Or tell you to just shut up, because they don't give a crap.   :-j

P.S. Wah. Sorry if the post gets sabog in the end =)) my coherence kinda died there.

Stop telephonin' me.

Okay, prior to this I actually had this other long blog post I was working on but yeah, I think I'll finish that later. Or tomorrow. Whenever. It's all about my summer anyways, so I think it can wait.

Have any of you ever had a dream that was so vivid that you couldn't tell it wasn't real?

I haven't dreamt in weeks and the night that I did dream, I got this horrible, horrible nightmare. It wasn't like any of my other nightmares where I was always chased by bad guys or whatever, no. It was a reliving of probably one of the worst experiences in my life except, set in the present.

It was a phone call.

*Ring ring*

"Hello, who's there?"

. . .  . . .  . . .

*fast forward*

I never felt so alone after that phone call.

Then, all sorts of weird things happen. After I put the receiver down, this viscuous black stuff started devouring the phone and all the things that were nearby. I run of course. I try running out of the house, but the walls kept crashing on me. Turns out, the walls were made out of cards.

I felt like Alice, err, Allys in freakin' wonderland.

But yeah, eventually, I succumb to the predicament and crouch down covering my head. When I looked to see if I the coast was clear, I saw myself sitting in front of my computer desk (yes, this very computer desk I'm using XD) browsing the net. My mom was behind me, and I tried desperately to hide from her the tears I was crying. Eventually, the keyboard gets flooded with tears and the computer sparks and


I wake up.

The dream was bad but the effect on me was actually rather positive. I was happy all morning that it was only a dream =)) If only I dreamt every night, sleeping wouldn't be so boring XD

The dream also kinda inspired me to grab my paintbrush and paint that whole scene with the cards falling down and stuff. Buuut, I changed my mind. I felt like painting something else, something happier. Because... that's generally how I am now. Except for maybe those major episodes of boredom but otherwise, I'm great :] Plus, I don't really paint that often. Why waste an opportunity to paint something gloomy, right? 

Guess that's all for now. Sorry for the incoherence, err, this was a spur-of-the-moment-i-just-felt-like-blogging post :p

Random thought: If you used Telephone by Lady Gaga as your ringback, would people think twice about continuing the call? :-j

Can call all you want,
but there's no one home,
and you're not gonna reach my telephone

Writer's Block: I can walk under ladders

Do you believe in luck? Do you think some people are luckier than others? Do actions cause reactions or are there intervening forces beyond our control that govern our destinies?

Short warning: This post will be very incoherent and all over the place since, I've got scattered views on luck. So, yeah. I don't blame you for not understanding my stand by the end of this entry :-j

A lot of people have told me that for someone studying in a science school, I'm pretty superstitious. Okay, I'll be honest. To some degree, I guess I am, and to some degree I do believe in luck-- I keep tokens that are said to bring good luck, and sometimes avoid things that are said to bring bad luck. I often wish people "good luck" when I have nothing more encouraging to say. It's silly, I know but somehow I've grown used to thinking that way.
According to an online source, luck is "an unknown and unpredictable phenomenon that causes an event to result one way rather than another". Reading that, luck seems to be used as an excuse for anything and everything that could possibly happen. 
It's unknown.
It's unpredictable.
What the hell is it, then?

When it all boils down to it, I think that luck is actually a science. It's probability. When you hit that small percentage of the probable good outcome, then, you're lucky, and... vice-versa.

Take this: The probability of a plane crash is 1 in 11 million.
If you do happen to get onto a plane that crashes, you have got to be one hell of an unlucky dude. I mean, 1 in 11 million gives you a loooot less that 1% possibility. And when you think about it, 1% isn't at all a lot.
After contemplating, okay. I guess luck does exist, but it isn't exactly what everyone thinks it to be. Some people are "luckier" than other people in the sense that they are more prone to attracting the good side of the probabilities. They get the better end of the stick. When they come face-to-face with Two-faced (uhh... no pun intended) and he flashes his coin saying "You live, you die", they get the shiny side and live to see another day. But of course, someone's fate doesn't just rely on probability or luck. A huge part of whatever happens to anyone's life is governed by that person's own actions and decisions. Those influence their "luck" too, to some degree.

Anyways, you know the saying, "Swerte sa sugal, malas sa pag-ibig?" I remember that at some point I really believed in that silly saying. A lot of the people I've played with tell me I have "magic hands" at poker. I have a weird, errm, habit of getting really good starting pairs; Pocket kings, pocket aces... you name it. I usually wipe out all my relatives whenever we have family gatherings, and get enough pocket money for the week. No one gets how I do it, and neither did I. I simply played. And won, most of the time.Then, my mom goes and tells me that saying and it made so much sense to me. Since then, whenever I played poker, I remember seeing those hearts on the cards;  wishing I had luck with my own heart instead.
Now though... I can finally find out if that saying's really true. If I start losing the next time we have a poker gathering here, well, then... it must be! XD

Anywho. To the next question-- err, I think that actions, even the smallest and seemingly insignificant ones play big roles in what shapes our fate. It's the thing called the Butterfly effect; even one flap of a butterfly's wings can influence a whole string of things happening. Things we do, and things we don't do are what will determine what becomes of us, and our lives. But of course, there is that intervening force of the luck I talked about-- probability. We can't always control what happens to our lives but there is usually a huge part of it that we can.

I don't know why but though I believe in that, I can't shake off my belief in the thing called fate. Somehow, I think that there are things that are just meant to be, and nothing in the world can change what is. Although yeah, maybe the thing we call our "fate" is just the summation of all the actions we've done in the past but sometimes, things just feel so right, things falling exactly into place.

I told you I had scattered beliefs.

If I told you my life story, I'm sure you'd tell me it was governed by fate. Hell, that's what the people in the Catholic meet I went to said last weekend, when I shared this small portion of my life. But I don't know. Maybe it just seems like fate, but my actions and possibly my intentions (even the subconscious ones) influenced the course of my life, making it seem so... fate-ey. Haha. Then again, maybe... that's what fate really is-- the result of your own desires and actions.
If you're a drug dealer, and you end up in jail... that must be your fate, right? You can't say you didn't influence that because you chose that line of work. You chose to be bad. Maybe you just ran out of luck in the sense that you got caught, and got into the percentage of the probability of being caught. If you decided to choose a more honest line of work earlier on, that probably wouldn't be your fate.

To sum things up:
- I do believe in luck, the one that deals with probability.
- I do believe that some people are luckier than others, in the sense that they often get the good probabilities.
- Actions influence fate.
- There is no use in living in regrets because past mistakes may lead to better outcomes in the future. Everything will fall into place eventually, if you will it enough :D

In then end... Our actions is You are all that really matters :-" :3

It's a survey!

Stolen from Andro :]

1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?
- Err. It really depends. Telling someone how I feel, depending on how sure I am about it determines how easily I can look into someone's eyes. Someone telling me how they feel, however, if I know what's coming and I don't necessarily feel the same way is actually pretty much the hardest time for me to be able to do so.

2. Think of the last time you were angry. Why were you angry?
- I don't remember. I'm sure it was at my parents.

3. You will die in three minutes. Who would you call?
- Ghostbusters...? :D

4. You have three months to live:

(1) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die?
Maybe during the last minutes na. I don't want people to treat me any differently, just because I'm about to leave them o__O

(2) What do you do with your remaining days?
Do whatever makes me happy, and what makes the people I love happy.

(3) Would you be afraid?
Of course. I think anyone would be afraid at some point .__.

5. You can have one of the following two things: trust/love?
- This is hard. I think love is nothing without trust because no matter how much you love someone, if you can't rely on them not to let you down, it'll drive you crazy. Like they say: "Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them enough not to do so." On the other hand, trust without love is just companionship. "Love" here doesn't even have to mean romantic love. If you trust your friend, but you don't love them... what good is that trust? So, in the end, I really don't have an answer.

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. Do you save the dog?
- I don't think I can save the dog myself, but I will make sure I notify someone nearby in my rush XD

7. You are unfaithful to your spouse/significant other. Do you tell him/her?
- I guess so. Although yeah. I'd rather not do so, in the first place.

8. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Do you do it?
- I don't remember who o__O

9. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
- I guess. It's nice having someone to relate to :-j =)))))))

10. Does sex=love?
- No. But sex shouldn't be done for any other reason but love.

11. Your boss tells your co-worker that they have to be let go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your co-worker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company?
- It depends on my current situation. If I have better means of making wage then sure, why not. S/he needs it :]

12. When and how was the last time you told someone how you felt?
- To...day? :-j

13. What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?
- To tell someone I love them. In either case--if I mean it or I don't. It's hard >__<

14. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up?
- Hanging out with people I care about :D

15. Romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them?
- Romantic? As in Titanic kind of love? =)))))) Ahahahaha I haven't.

16. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even if you have "no regrets" what would you change?
- 1st year.

17. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?
- Martha :)) para matakot. Mehehe.

18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?
- Err. No. >__< I don't know how to, anyways. Pag namatay baka masisi pa ako or what @__@ Imma make sure to get help tho!

19. You are holding onto your grandmother's dying hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other which one would it be?
- Newborn. It needs a chance to live, I guess.

20. Are you old fashioned?
- To some degree XD

21. If you could do anything OR wish anything, what would it be?
- Secret. Para magkatotoo :p


A conversation on the choir balcony of a chapel in a village, on a hot Saturday evening:

". . .:

"That's called Serendipity."

"Serendipity... wait, isn't that a movie? What's that?"

" In science, it's when you discover something great unexpectedly. Think, a great coincidence. But that doesn't mean that's only where it's applicable..."


Titanic ;) Okay, I think only girls can relate here...Collapse )

It's been such a long time since I've blogged and now, I'm flooded with ideas. Everything is flowing so freely that I don't know what to start. Maybe I'll create a separate post for what's currently happening in my life. I haven't blogged like this in such a loooong time, that I'm starting to kinda miss it. Blogging about my day and what I did with it is kind of fun too, but I can do that anytime. Long story short: summer is fun :)

The other day, I was rummaging through my notebook collection and I stumbled across an old diary. It's not really old, but it was circa June 2008. I don't know why, but reading back got me aliw. Haha. Here're some scans I can share XD

That was probably my diary filled with the most drawings. I guess I was at a weird state when I kept that but looking back makes me really nostalgic. Two years had passed and I changed a lot. I've been through a lot. I realized that now, today, is really where I want to be.

Since I'm not going to be blogging about what's been happening to me right now, I'll just write about my current state, as a person.

Truth is, I've been happy lately, probably why I haven't had the urge and the compulsion to grab a hold of my keyboard and type away within the past month. Well, it's also possible that I just really couldn't find the words out of confusion and everything but I dunno. I've been happy. As simple as that. I don't feel like the "emo girl" in the campus anymore; I'm content. I'm free.

But of course, a part of me still thinks that happiness is just a "state" looking at my diary pages, the emo drawings, that bleeding heart, well...

Hmm. Confusion. Uncertainty. Let's flip a coin, says Two-faced.

Maybe I should just constantly remind myself of what a friend once told me. Okay, it was just last month, it struck me.

"You have a right to simple happiness."
he said.

And he's right. Maybe I do. I'm sure everyone does. Everyone has the right to be happy basking in the summer sun, eating ice cream, playing video games, hanging out with friends, to live, laugh, and love...

If everyone has that right, then I must do too... right? 

Haha. I'm going to enjoy life to the fullest now on. No looking back.

Throw it away forget yesterday... we'll make the great escape.=))


Jack: Where to, Miss?

Rose: To the stars.

Allys in Alice in wonderland

                   Because I watched it the other day XD haha. Props to David for the title. Apparently I'd be watching it a few times over this week tho O_o which is okay, since the movie was fun. Especially since it was in 3D :> The Imax theater was really cold, so bring a jacket in case you decide to go. Can't wait for the Adelfa outing on Wednesday \:D/ Carly-poo/My birthday celebration I guess? I really don't know :-j

                    Uggh. I can't even seem to write straight. The only reason I'm posting now is to be able to do something, at least, since I couldn't sleep at all last night. I spent at least half of the night on a conference call (The SUPER30 promo of globe's unlimited phone call feature can support 4 four lines clearly all at once!) Yvanne interrupted and told me we needed some 'serious talk'. I realized it was the first time Yvanne ever told me we needed to talk about something so serious so, I had to oblige. Believe me, that serious talk was serious and chunks of the talk are still floating around my head undigested. What we talked about, well, was something I've been indirectly told about-- it took Yvanne's frankness and straightforward manner to finally tell it to me straight. I'm not sure if I'm beginning to understand everything, but I think I will given some time. Okay, I feel like a zombie now. Ooh, Bill Murray.

            Okay, I just HAD to post that XD Haha. I wanna watch Zombieland again O_o

In other news, we seem to be going to Watercamp Cavite today. Haha. I'm not exactly in the mood to swim, but at least my cousins will be there and we could play poker. I haven't been able to play in a while, so I'm excited. Plus I need more money to sponsor my birthday :-j I'm not so sure my mom would be giving me any.

Waah. My birthday. I'm gonna be old. Somehow I'm just not excited about my birthday. It's going to suck, obviously since the whole of Friday will be spent on SS activities >_> not that I care, but yeah.

The schoolyear's done. Haha.
Game over XD


Writer's Block: Between the slices

What's your favorite sandwich? Do you make it yourself or go somewhere special to buy it? What's in it?!

A knuckle sandwich! XD Okay, random. I couldn't resist :-j
What is the one simple indulgence you could never live without? Would you consider giving it up permanently for any amount of money?

One simple Indulgence I could probably never live without would probably be using the computer. I mean-- it has everything. Without being able to use the computer and access the net, I won't be able to download songs, watch videos, play online games, chat with my friends, have an online social life (LOL) and I wouldn't be able to answer this question either XD The computer basically gives me something to do, when there's nothing to do. And hey, it also helps with school work a whole lot :3 Not being able to use the computer would seriously kill me-- unless everyone else in the world wouldn't be using computers either :p So yeah. I don't think I can give it up permanently for any amount of money =))